Atom Wave: Oh, The Humanity

Atom Wave

Friday, October 26, 2007

Oh, The Humanity

Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O

The Onion

Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O

CHICAGO—The attackers made it clear America's outdated notion of terrorism has been challenged, and that true terror lies in the futility of human existence.



Oh, the Humanity. This is the worst disaster that I have ever seen. I don’t know how the United States will ever recover from this attack. The pain and suffering that will haunt America for generations to come.
The senseless attack on the Sears Tower today encased it in over 18 Million tons of Strawberry Gelatin and trapped 11 security workers inside the structure. Authorities are still waiting for the gelatin to melt. Chicago’s population remains dazed and confused over why anyone would hit them like this. The terrorist organization Prophet’s Collective has claimed responsibility for the attack. Authorities in Berlin are already busy questioning dozens of performance artists and the CIA is already working with the National Endowment For The Arts to cut of grants and funding for the organization that is believed to be hiding out in Berlin. Officials don’t yet know the purpose of the attack, but many theories exist, ranging from deregulation to man being incapable of finding reason where it does not exists.
This conceptual attack is fictional, much to your belief. Real terrorism is all about mass destruction and death, may it be exploding airliners or VX nerve gas poisoning. The concept remains the same. All terrorists need to do and maybe only want to is to make the public so afraid they will be paralyzed. The threat of a bomb strike can be just as terrorizing as a real one.

Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons

The Onion

Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons

LOS ANGELES—"McCluskey's a good man, but he needs to clean up his act," Chief William J. Bratton said. "Same goes for Conroy, Peterman, Tobias, and Black."



In this tragic time America needs to tough crowd willing to do whatever is needed to stop the next attack. This heroic crew from Los Angeles is a gang of loose cannons, but they get the job done. In 1992 they shot three-dozen school children with toy guns in a dark alley, but no one is perfect. They still prevented an attack on LA city hall.
Wait, isn’t the Bush Administration a crowd of loose cannons? They did bring America into a bloody and expensive misadventure in Iraq. The United States has lost numerous allies these past seven years, despite the international goodwill after 9/11. The federal deficit is as high as the moon. Unless you are wealthy, the Bush Crowd isn’t interested in you.

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